Transcript

Introducing Dr. John Stauffer and His Epic Guys Trip

[0:00] Hello friends, welcome to another episode of tell us a good story today like every fifth episode It’s Steph and I sharing our own stories with you. And today we get to share them in person with my old college roommate, Dr. John Stauffer you guys John is such a great friend for years He’s invited us down to Jacksonville to visit and we’ve never been able to take him up on his offer However last weekend Kevin flew down to Florida to have the ultimate guys trip with his buddy while I stayed home and took care of the kids.
Man, I have a great wife and I have a great friend too.
Men, I guarantee when you listen to this episode, you will think, gosh, I wish I had a friend like that.
John had so many activities planned for Kevin, from taking Kevin hog hunting and four wheeling to then taking him to the Florida, Tennessee college football game and then introducing Kevin to his new passion, riding an electric bike where he doesn’t have to pedal.
It was amazing. Oh, Kevin. It was so much fun.
Oh, bless you. You guys, we can’t wait for to hear these stories with our friend, Dr. John Stauffer.

[1:04] I’m Kevin. And I’m Stephanie. And during our marriage, we have dealt with an electrocution, a brain tumor, brain surgery.
Then doctors telling us that children were not in our future followed by miscarriage and then Kevin’s cancer diagnosis.
However, today we live a life completely healed and restored with three healthy children, who doctors said were not possible.
And we’re here to tell stories that inspire, give hope, and brighten your day.
Welcome to… Tells a Good Story.

Excitement for Episode 190 with Dr. John Stauffer

[1:33] This episode is being presented to you by Luby Companies, a custom home builder here in Central Ohio.
Let them be your builder for life. They’re freaking awesome.
All right, Steph, it’s here. Welcome to episode 190. Oh, I’m so excited for this.
And today we’re with our friend in person.

[1:55] Dr. John Stauffer. My old college roommate at Ohio Northern University, or what I like to call the Harvard of the Midwest.
Of course. Dr. John Stauffer. Oh, we’re so excited. Fantastic.
Okay, so John, you’re actually episode 15 of Tell Us a Good Story. I remember.
First guest. Were you really? And I think John was kind of doing a favor to us, right?
We had just started Tell Us a Good Story three and a half years ago. Uh huh. And I don’t think you knew what you were signing up for. No idea. No clue. I remember you jumped on the call and you’re like, okay, how long is this going to take? Can I have dinner? I just put something in the oven. Kind of hungry. And then I think we talked for at least a half hour. At least a half hour. Minimal. At least, yeah, I think it was. I was a little nervous, not going to lie. Jumping on the call? Yeah. I didn’t know what it was going to be no idea. I thought you were going to make fun of me about soccer for about 30 minutes or something like that. It’s a good assumption. Yeah. So are you surprised we’re still doing this 190 episodes into this now? Not a bit. You’re not. No, no, this is like normal for you guys just to sit around and tell stories and and laugh. So you’re just doing like your normal thing. I think doing this so it’s awesome to see. Of course, you’re you’re a surgeon at the Mayo Clinic, and can you tell Steph how patients actually come in to you, and they’ve listened to the episode, right?
Like, they’re asking you questions about talking to us, I believe, right?
That’s true. They Google their surgeon, which makes sense, and this pops up.

[3:20] This pops up as one of the top things on Google, and they’ll listen to it.
The episode that you were on?
Episode 15 pops up, and they listen to it, and they love the stories about the farm, and my friend who’s afraid of the cows, and my sister.
So I get a lot of references to that story. That’s funny. Okay.
Honestly, listening to that podcast about you.
John I would definitely in a heartbeat. Have you be my surgeon? You’re like, yes foreign country like, okay I’m just gonna work with what I have like that hands down makes you sound so Legit experience and that you can just do MacGyver anything that people throw at you like I would be your patient Oh, I never saw a hundred percent. I’d be referring a friend’s family member to this guy for sure Okay, so you’ve been down there how long 18 years 18 years?

Fun-filled visit to Jacksonville with Dr. John Stauffer

[4:10] No, you haven’t. It’s been 18 years. Moved from Ohio 18 years ago.
Holy cow. After med school out of high state.
And probably for 15 years, you’ve been asking me to come visit you down in Jacksonville.
I’ve been waiting. Dev, come on down.
Right. And so, Steph finally let me come visit you last weekend.
And so, for the first time, flew down to Jacksonville.
And John, you have so many activities planned for me. For me, and it was funny because your wife’s like I’m so thankful you’re here because John has somebody to play with now.

[4:45] That’s so true. She thinks I have way too much energy. My kids are you know moved out?
She can’t keep up and I have all this fun stuff.

Weekend Trip to Jacksonville with John

[4:56] So I haven’t told Steph hardly anything from the trip nothing about this trip so folks I left Friday afternoon last weekend got down to Jacksonville until five thirty on Friday night and then left first thing Monday morning.
I took the seven thirty flight out of Jacksonville. So I was with John two and almost two and a half days.
And John had all these activities planned for me and it took a lot of caffeine to try to help.
As you know, I mean, I’m talking like Celsius drinks and all, you know, coffee is like, oh, my gosh, dude, holy cow, you’re like a teenager here.
Just OK. Now what do you want to do? You want to go on my boat?
Uh, you wanna go throw a football? Uh, you wanna jump in my pool?
What do you wanna do? We did it all.

[5:38] We did. Now typically, and again, this is rare, because when I get back from a guy’s trip, I know I need to inform this woman of all the details because she’s been battling with three little kids all weekend.
And so when we’ve gone on like high state trips, when I get back, I know I’ve got to download stuff with all of the details. In detail. In detail.
Do not leave anything out. You got there, you got the plane.
Yes. Then what happened?
What did you eat? All right. And then you woke up Saturday morning, you open your eyeballs.
Then what did you do? Did you brush your teeth first? What happened?
Like, I have to go through massive detail for Steph to feel like she was there included. Yes.
And so you’ve been really good this week, Steph. I’ve been so good.
Not asking me questions about this. Thank you for acknowledging that.
So you were really anxious to hear some of these stories.
John, jump in at any time here. Okay.
Okay, so down in Jacksonville, John picks me up in this massive truck, Ford F-250, right?
With a lift. That surprises me. I was like, wait, he has a Ford F-250?

[6:38] You did ask me that. He still brings out the country boy in him.
Get in the truck. You can’t take the boy out of the country.
I gotta do a box jump just to get in your truck, John.
It is a little bit ridiculous. Like, but it’s very Southern.
It’s what you do in the South.
Wait, really? Big truck, lift it up high.
Steph. Wait, wait, wait. Even for a surgeon, are you the only surgeon that has a Ford F-250?
Oh, that’s a good point. Cause you’re probably taking up two parking spots.
That’s what I was gonna say in the garage. Yeah, I have to park in between the Teslas and the BMWs, so I do stand out in the parking garage, you’re right. Wait, how many parking spaces does it take for your truck to pull in?
I can pull it in one, I just gotta fold the gears in and sometimes I have to shimmy out.
So he picks me up and immediately he’s like, okay, you want to go shoot? Let’s go shoot.
He’s like, yes, let’s go shoot some guns. So he’s got a bunch of stuff like hidden in his back seat. And so I don’t know what’s back there.

[7:33] So, he has a farm, what, probably an hour away, I would say?
Yeah, about 45 minutes out.
Okay, you’ve got 10 acres, you and your wife have 10 acres, and then your mother-in-law has another 40, I believe.
Correct. So, 50 acres out here in Florida, and just beautiful.
Whoa, wait, like, is it like the country here in Ohio, or do you, besides the humidity in Florida, do you feel like you’re back in Ohio when you’re out on these lands? It’s quiet.
It’s quiet, it’s out in the country, the trees are different, they’re mostly pines and oaks. Okay.
So, it’s not the same, it’s more swampy. Yeah, you’re not farming there.
Yeah, but it’s similar.
It’s pretty similar. Okay, I’ve been holding this question, but I can’t anymore, because you just said the word.
Do you see pythons there? Unfortunately, no. No? No, that’s South Florida.
What we see. They’re migrating up, John. They are, they’re coming.
I’m watching the python routes.
They’re moving north. The rattlesnakes and the water moccasins keep them out, though.
There are rattlesnakes on that farm. I didn’t tell Kevin this, because I was a little bit worried You will come out there and shoot with me.
I’ve been shooting at the ground. But I’ve seen plenty of rattlesnakes.
We’ve killed a few out there. They are big too. Really? Big rattlesnakes, yep.
Now the rattlesnakes though, you can kind of hear them coming.
What about the water moccasins? Are you just constantly like looking?
I always look. When I walk on that farm, I’m always looking.
So that’s why I had Kevin follow me almost everywhere. Because I was looking for snakes.
Now are you wearing boots or do you ever wear flip flops?
Oh no, don’t do that. No, no flip flops.
Nope, just boots. Yeah, mostly boots when I’m out there.

[9:00] Yeah, so you’d stomp on him if you have to. Exactly. Or run. Or run. Get away.
Shoot him from a distance, a safe distance.
Okay, Steph, we’re on the way to this place. John gets a phone call from a colleague at, I don’t know what hospital this was, okay?
Gets a phone call and it’s another surgeon. Okay.
Puts this surgeon through the Bluetooth in his truck and the nurse apparently is holding the phone for him.
He starts asking Dr. John here.
Hey, I’ve got this guy open here on the table. I just pulled up the gallbladder and I’m having a problem, you know, connecting the DL to the HL to whatever.
What are your thoughts?

[9:42] Am I making this up, John? Not at all. He literally calls John.
It’s like, what am I supposed to do? I’m having a hard time.
Like, he’s got this dude open in front of him. Doesn’t know what to do.
It’s not like you’re going to YouTube this. Yeah. Like he’s in the middle of surgery and he’s calling John.
I’m like, you can put him on FaceTime. What are you going to do?
And you said you’ve done that before, right? I FaceTime into the OR before, yeah, just to kind of guide the surgeon because, you know, I’ve got a specialty and then when people are on call, they do other things and then sometimes they have to operate in my specialty. So they’ll call me and I’ll kind of help them through it.
They know what they’re doing, but just to, you know, double check.
So whoever this surgeon was, again, I don’t know what hospital he’s from, he’s calling John, and John’s like, yeah, I don’t know what to tell you, like without seeing it right now, I don’t know. I don’t know what to tell you. And to me, he was very calm. The guy’s talking like me trying to hang a ceiling fan, right? Like connecting different wires. Like, okay, this is the hot one. This is don’t let these two wires touch. That’s how he’s talking to John. Yeah.
And John’s like, I don’t have to tell you. And the surgeon’s like, okay, don’t worry, I’ll figure it out. And I’m like, what do you mean? What do you mean you figure it out?
Like there is an open body in front of you. What do you mean you figure it out? Like, Is that normal John? Where like not you, but other people like, oh, I don’t know what to do here.
Like who do I call? I mean, literally it’s like calling a lifeline, calling you. Hey, can you help me out here? How am I supposed to connect this? Yeah. Yeah. No, there was a lot a lot of acronyms being flown around, I understand, so you couldn’t really understand.

Surgical Mishap: Sewing Up without Completing the Operation

[11:09] But yeah, I mean, there’s different ways to connect things. So, it’s kind of like, you know best, you’ll figure it out, you’ve seen this before. That blew me away.
Like, ah, don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.
Like, dude, you have an open body in front of you. You can’t just like, sew them back up and then tell the patient, hey, sorry, we’re gonna have to reschedule this.
You can’t do that. So, that blew me away.
I could not believe I was hearing this conversation. But you know what, you kind of go back to when episode 15 when you would be in a foreign country and at one point you had like a bleeder and they could have bled out and you’re just so calm like well do you have this no we don’t you were just so calm talking I think it’s like a surgeon thing you have to be so even-keeled during that surgery of your you know things could get crazy yeah I obviously would not be a good surgeon You would not.
Plan A, plan B, plan C, something will work. Yeah, one of those.
All right, Steph, I’m going to test you again here. What is your favorite book of all time?
Obviously, it’s the Bible, Kevin. Yes.
Nailed it. Very good. This time you didn’t say the book we wrote called You Met Her Where.
But it’s still a really good book.
That is true. And it would make a great gift for friends or relatives on their birthday or for Christmas.
Friends, you can order your copy of our book titled You Met Her Where at KevinAndSteph.com and we will make sure to personally sign a copy for you or whoever you want.
And as always, thank you for listening to Tell Us A Good Story.

[12:39] Okay, John, tell Steph how easy it is to impress me. Like when I got there.

Tourist Moments: Mountains and Selfies

[12:46] Well, you know, I heard about your story in Colorado, and I could just see you getting off that plane and just seeing mountains for the first time just being blown away.
And I was just laughing, just like all the others. We’re all taking selfies in front of a window.
Oh my gosh, does anybody else see this besides me? Oh yes, we were definitely tourists there. Yes, yes.
So yeah, it was not hard to impress you by a few things to see.
The truck. What else? What was it?
Oh yeah, yeah, I gave him like soda, a pop, and he was so excited to get Coke Zero.
It’s like Steph doesn’t let me have this at home. I knew he was going to blame it on me.
You’re the easiest person to host in the world. This is awesome.
I only get this at kids’ birthday parties, and not my kids’ birthday parties.
Or when Paul and Michelle come over, he’s like, oh, they brought me pop.
Or at your parents’ house. Sometimes they have pop there. They’ll have something for you.
Pizza nights. Yeah, so I was so excited. I’m like, oh my gosh, I get to drink pop.

[13:45] And then John’s just shaking his head like, dude, if that’s all it takes to impress you, just wait.
Just wait. Poor guy doesn’t get out much. I’m not. Well, at one point, like Seth, like on Saturday, he’s like, you won’t believe there’s something called the Celsius drinks.
He’s like, John gave me one.
He’s like, they’re amazing. These are really good.
Like really good and you had said like you’re not gonna be able to sleep. Yeah, but I had no problem Yeah, it definitely helped me keep up with that guy But I know what you mean, I’ve been through when I had little kids and you are just like that’s all you do Yes, and then it’s like you’re you know, you’re holed up there a little bit and you get out. So yeah.

[14:22] So Steph we get to this farm and John starts pulling out this stuff puts in the bed of his truck, truck, he’s okay, get the bed here and then he sets like this tripod or something on top of his truck, puts this rifle on there, then he’s got the scope to the side and like he’s got all of these guns in ammunition and it was a three or eight or something is that right through a three or a rifle and I’m like who are you do like I don’t remember any of this. You have your militia in the back of his truck, so I grew up, you know, men and night farm, not allowed to have a weapon, couldn’t even have a BB gun. So now I’ve got time and I.

[15:04] Started to make up for lost time, I think. So he pulls one of this gun out 308 something. All right, the sucker is heavy and it looks something like straight out of combat. Okay, like it looks like something they’re using over. It’s a SWAT team rifle. Is it really? Okay, that makes sense.
And he’s like, you want to shoot this? Like I do not. I want to watch you shoot it first because Because I’m concerned with the kick or whatever, because I’ve gone out shooting a couple times, Just a handful of times.
And I’m like, no, I want to see you shoot it first. Okay, so we’re on the back of his truck.
He puts the SWAT team rifle on top of the tripod, whatever the cap, and he’s got a scope to the left.
He’s like, okay, put your head on the scope. And I’m like, okay, so I’m literally right to the left in the bed of his truck. And we are like leaning on top of the cap. And so he’s like, get ready here. I’m going to fire it on 312. And then bang and stuff. I knew it was coming.
And it still scared me like this powerful bang. It was so freaking loud and we had i had headphones on and it still surprised me like i didn’t jump out of the truck but.

[16:10] It was incredibly loud incredibly loud it is it’s a big kick it’s a big it’s a big caliber yes so then he lets me shoot it and he records me shooting it and so i’m like okay here we go here we go and then as soon as i go to shoot it i turn my head completely to just shoot it basically close your eyes.
It’s like, no, you didn’t hit anything at all.

Gear Up for Hunting Adventure

[16:36] All right, Steph. So then we drive to his house. Okay. And thankfully, he’s got hunting gear for me from his son. Right. So I’m the same size as his son, Austin. And he’s got boots.
He’s got a shirt and pants for me. So John here apparently is an avid hunter.
Now. Okay, it’s my new thing. Apparently, gets the clothes out of the dryer, and you wash them in some scentless thing, right?
Scent killer. Yes. Okay, so then he hands me a bottle of body wash. It’s like you need to go take a shower now get all the scent off of you. I’m like, what? He’s like, yeah, these, hogs that we’re hunting, they are going to be able to track you by sound and by your scent.
We gotta get the scent off of you, so go take a shower. Whoa, whoa, wait, so like what kind of body wash?
Is it special body wash? Yeah, it’s a special scent killer body wash.
What? Yes. So, okay, so if I came up and smelled you, I couldn’t really smell you?
No, you couldn’t tell the difference, but the hogs can, they can smell that subtle body.
Interesting, so scentless body wash and scentless like detergent that you have to use.
So there’s no like dryer sheets in your dryer?
Not for those clothes. Not for those, nope.
So John could have totally pulled one on me stuff and be like, Hey, here’s some pig urine. You got to rub this on you. And I’m like, Oh, okay.
When in Rome, uh, yeah, pour those on my boots. Right? Like you could have done anything. I know I missed my chance.
You could have done anything. I’m like, Oh, okay. I forgot how gullible you got.

[18:03] I need you to sit in this bathtub for 15 minutes. Exactly. Pour some salt in there and then rub this on your body.
Like I would like, okay, all right, next step, next trip, yeah, okay, so at the farm, though, before we left, john goes, hey, do you wanna go for willing? I was like, oh yeah, that’s fun and then john’s like, hey, do you, you want to ride with me? I’m like, oh, I, I, I guess I can right, we two dudes on one for work, I guess, well, then I look and there’s a second four-wheeler but what about this one he’s like oh yeah you could write that one too, like oh yes let me write that one we don’t need to have like a brokeback mountain moment here, as your mother-in-law looks out you see it like.

[18:54] I’m holding on to john zipping through the swamp area like what are these guys doing that’s right

Driving through the Jurassic Park-like swamp area

[19:00] this is a college roommate our first of two dumb and possible dumb and dumber So I’m like, yes, John, can I please drive that way?
So we’ve got 50 acres of land that we can just drive through.
And so John starts going through and there is some high stuff.
There is a couple sections where I’m like, oh my gosh, are we in Jurassic Park here?
So I took a video and I’ll show you. Now that we’re talking about what’s happened, I’ll show you the video.
But Steph, it looks like we’re going through Jurassic Park on four wheelers.
So I’m just following this guy. Yeah, I haven’t voted for the year yet.
I’m trying to kill some weeds. It’s pretty high like five foot six foot. Yeah, it’s really high like over our heads.

[19:38] At dark with no helmets on Like, it’s pitch black? It’s getting there.
Yeah, it was dusk. So you’re writing?
A, there’s not like a cliff that you could like fall over and all, right?
No, this is not. You can’t go into like water, like there’s a pond on your property.
You could, but you know where that’s at. Yeah, I knew where it was at.
You know where that’s at. Okay, so what happens if you go like, you could just like hit a hog?
Hit a tree. A tree, a hog.
A tree that’s down. All of it. You could, yeah, run across deer.
I haven’t seen hogs out there, but you could see an animal.
You could see maybe some downed trees or something, but I was pretty sure there wasn’t any out there. I was pretty sure. would have paid money to have a deer just like jump up in front of Kevin.
Okay, John, tell Steph what I’m like on a four wheeler. This is like the third time in my life. I think I’ve done a four wheeler. Yeah, I started going. I, was like, Wait, I thought Kevin was behind me. I see a motor along about five, six miles an hour. I was like, Kevin, the accelerator is on your right thumb. Just push it.

[20:38] You can go faster than that. Exactly. So, so we got him to kind of get up to maybe 10 12 miles an hour coming along. I’d stop waiting to catch up. He was, he was figuring it out. He got better. I got better. But yeah, I just followed John. John is way more confident on a four wheeler than I am. Yes. So then, you know, get through Jurassic Park and all that. And I asked John, like, Hey, you take a couple pictures here to prove that I was actually out here in the Amazon.
So I could show stuff. So he took a couple pictures. Then we get in this open path. He’s He’s like, all right, you want to race?
Not really. I take off and literally within half a second, I’ve got dirt like getting back at me and I’m just trying to, you know, keep it steady and I got it up to, I think, thirty five miles an hour and then slow down. I don’t know what you got it up to, but sounds a lot faster than me. I had the bigger one.
Yeah, so John’s way more confident and that’s that’s the other thing this This whole weekend I kept joking with John, I’m like, John, you are way too risky for being a surgeon.
Like, dude, I wouldn’t shake anybody’s hands if I were you, let alone playing around with guns and all the other stuff that you do, working on this farm and everything.
Like, your hands need to be insured, like bubble wrapped.

[21:57] Like, you have way too much on you to be able to do the stuff you’re doing.
You gotta live your life.
You know, you gotta do normal things and not worry about that kind of thing.
That’s my theory, at least.

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[22:10] Steph, we cannot do this podcast all by ourselves. When we first started, we needed some major help and guidance with our technology issues.
And we’re extremely fortunate to have met Mr. Craig Clausen.
That man has been an absolute godsend for us. I freaking love Craig.
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I have no idea what you just said.
I honestly don’t know either, but we both know Craig’s amazing at it.
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Excitement at Bucky’s gas station before hog hunting

[23:09] So we get ready to go hog hunting. Okay. I’m ready for this. Yes. Hog hunting, hog hunting. Okay. And before we go hog hunting, he takes me, this was a weekend of first. Okay.
John takes me to this gas station that we don’t have here in Ohio. Okay. Called Bucky’s. Have, you ever seen one of these? I’ve heard of Bucky’s. Again, John’s laughing at me because.

[23:32] Me seeing Bucky’s for the first time. You walked in like it was Disneyland.
Just a big gas station. Kevin, they have food. They have drinks. They might be selling walmart clothes, but he was so excited about Bucky’s. So funny. Like they have a wall of just beef jerky. Okay. And then I can’t wait. How big this place says it is like BP and walmart had a baby together and it was Bucky’s. It is that big. So did you buy a souvenir? I did not. I did not. I I didn’t have my wallet on me.
That is why. I should have gotten you the onesie. Yeah, the onesie of bucks.
That place is incredible, absolutely incredible. So that was a first.
So then Dr. John here rents some property. How big is this land?
It’s about a half hour outside of Jacksonville. How many acres is that?
It’s 1,400 acres. Okay.
And you can rent a portion of the property, right? And then you can set up a tree stand wherever you want, make sure you’re away from other people. Wait, do you rent it for the night?
For the year? No, it’s like a year-long lease. We have like 7 or 8 of us doing a year-long lease in this 1400 acre plot.
So how big’s your plot?
You can go anywhere, right? You can go anywhere within the 1400 acres.

[24:48] So you can walk anywhere. But then John’s set up in a certain area, his tree stand was like, you know, 12, 15 foot high up in the tree. And so we get there, he turns his lights off. He had been giving me the rundown of, you know, the most dangerous part was, us getting into the tree stand and out of the tree stand without shooting each other with these, you know, SWAT team rifles. So I made sure I paid attention during that conversation with John.
But get them loaded because they can hear the sound. So you get them cocked and everything, got the safety on.
You know, I’ve got this green light on my head as we’re walking through swamp and all this.
And he reminds me, hey, be careful where you walk. There’s snakes out here.
It’s so weird. It’s pitch black. Are you tiptoeing it? Oh, Steph, you know it.
I am like trying not to make a peep.

[25:34] I’m like, oh, okay, now like this just got real. Like he’s telling me this stuff.
That is the scariest part, in the middle of the night, walking through the swamp.
At midnight, you’re walking through the swamp, and he’s prepping me mentally on the way there, but then once you’re there, and you’re in the middle of it, you’re like, oh boy, okay, I’ve got my headphones on, I’ve got this 308 attached to me, I’ve got a headlight, I am looking all around my feet like there better not be a python around me.
I am very on edge. I am very aware of my surroundings, and then you’re walking through water and you don’t know what’s in the water. How high up is the water?
It’s about, what, six, eight inches maybe? Yes. Is it really? Yes.
And you gotta be quiet because these hogs that we’re hunting, the scent and the- And the sound, yeah.
And the sound. Okay. So the light, green light you can use, they’re not gonna detect that, but it’s the scent and the sound, so you gotta be very quiet.
Like how sensitive are their ears?

[26:28] I don’t think too sensitive. Okay. I think it’s mostly the smell.
Okay. But yeah, if we were making loud noises, we probably could have scared them away for the night. Got it.
So John gave me this headgear with a microphone so we can whisper and hear each other.
So again, he’s got all these toys, right? I’m like, okay, this is fantastic.
So as we’re walking, you hear all these bugs around you.
You hear birds. I mean, it’s like very elevated. And so we had the plan.
John was like, when we get there, we are gonna shoot on three.
So it’s gonna be one, two, bang. We are shooting at the same time.
So John’s setup is he’s got this tree stand, 15 foot tall. Wait, how far did you have to walk to get to the tree stand?

[27:08] I’d say 50 yards. Oh, just from where your car parked? Yeah.
So 50 yards and you’re high-stepping, nervous. Well, I’m very aware of my…
Well, when you’re going slow for 50 yards, it feels like 500 yards. Does it?
In the middle of the night, and you know there’s snakes there.
I don’t know if there’s crocodiles in the swamp. I have no idea.
It just took you like forever, you felt like, to get there.
Yes, very much. I mean, in my headgear, this is all I hear. here. Like me, me breathing really hard. Like I’m trying to be quiet, but I mean, I’m in the middle of the swamp here. Get out of my surroundings.
He did good. He was brave. He put on a brave face. Here we go. Don’t be scared.
You got this, babe. You’re so brave. You can do it.
So we get to the tree stand and then 50 yards away from that, John’s got this corn feeder and it looks like a water tower.
A water tower that’s probably what, eight foot high? Seven foot high?
Five or six, I think, from the ground.
Okay, so it’s a water tower of corn. So he will put corn in this water tower looking feeder and then on his phone, he can set it, hey, every night at 11 o’clock, I want to open up and let corn out and then the animals will come to this feeder, the hogs or whatever, and then you can just mow them down.

[28:33] So that’s his set up. Oh, this is amazing. He’s got a camera on a tree that takes pictures on any movement, right?
Any motion.
So throughout the day, he’s getting all these texts. I’m like, dude, you’ve got more pictures of animals on your phone than your own kids.

[28:51] You really do. It is. It’s fun to watch. Wait, what’s the craziest picture you’ve gotten?
We see turkey. We’ll see coyote.
We see some big deer sometimes. Uh-huh. That’s usually about it. No Sasquatch, I was looking for them to out there stuff, No small people So we finally get in the tree stand and you hear it can hear it turn on, Like okay, here we go. Here we go So then John and I have been whispering back and forth in this tree stand 12 15 feet up And I mean, it’s tight up there and we’ve got the guns on the the ledge, right?
And periodically, we’re just looking through the scope. Do we see anything?
Do we see anything? So John would be like, hey, you see that armadillo over there?
I’m like, yep, I see it. It’s like white in the scope. And then two minutes later, hey, you see that raccoon over there?
Yep, I see it. So then the hogs come. We’re like, oh, so we’re looking through it.
And again, my heart, like, okay, here we go. And John said, you get one shot, don’t you?
Pretty much, they’re quick.
They’re gone once you take one shot. You take one shot, and then they just disperse.
He’s like, so we’re just gonna get one shot.
So we have three hogs lined up.
And so they’re not perpendicular. Like I want them, I want like perfect so I can shoot it, both of us.
And so all of a sudden, John starts talking.

Communication Mishaps in the Hunt

[30:10] I’m like, John, I can’t hear you. He’s like. John, the John’s like, okay, you get the one on the left, I’ll get the one on the right.
And then 30 seconds later, they like, they swap positions. And he’s like, okay, now I get the one left.
What did you say? John, John, I can’t hear you. And then you say something like, John, I can’t hear what you’re saying, dude.
Like we’re, he’s trying to be so quiet, I can’t understand. Like this is vital information to know.
When are we shooting? What are we shooting at?
And so we waited 15 minutes, John?
Yeah, I think we overthought it. I think we did too, all right?
So they’re eating the whole time? Yeah, they’re just hanging out eating, but they’re moving continuously.
Yes, that’s the hard part. And we want them to move so they’re both perpendicular so we can shoot the whole side of them, right?
Because we’re trying to each get one. We’re trying to be a little too greedy.
Maybe each get one.
But we’re both shooting at an individual hog.
So, finally get to the point.
He’s like, here we go, on three. One, two, and it’s bang! Like so freaking loud.
And then John shoots again.
And we go to look. I can’t tell, did I hit it? Did I not hit it?
And so we get out of the tree stand, we start looking, and we don’t see any blood.
We start trying to trail it. We don’t see blood anywhere. So apparently we missed.
We were up there and we totally missed. Can you talk about a bummer?
Like I took a shower for this. I took a shower.

Hunting swamp hogs and disappointing the kids

[31:38] Okay, so say you got one. How big were these hogs? They were about 80 pounds or so.
They’re not huge. Not like the Texas hogs that are large boars.
These are small swamp hogs, kinda. So you like grab them by their legs and take them back to the truck?
Drag them out and take them to the truck and then take them where you skin them, and harvest the meat.
So basically john was gonna throw it over shoulders and just walk back to the truck.
That’s right. That’s what I was expecting it to do. So and I would just yeah, I would just learn.
I would just be your your sidekick there. So unfortunately, we didn’t get anything.

[32:16] So then the next morning, we FaceTimed with the kids and you and l I mean, the first question was, Daddy, do you shoot you think last night? Yep. And I told l Yep, we got, eight hogs last night. So mad. So mad. Daddy, you promised me you weren’t gonna shoot anything. I did not promise. Like she was really upset. loves animals. Oh my gosh. So she will be excited to know that we missed that night. When you get anything, she’ll be happy. At least we made her happy. But we did go out a second time. We’re gonna get to We’re gonna get to that stuff.
So, it’s now Saturday. And again, John has all these activities planned.
So, first thing we do is, hey, Kevin, you wanna go for a bike ride in the neighborhood?
Love it. John lives in this gated community, just beautiful, beautiful neighborhood.
And again, it’s the weekend of first. So he breaks out these bikes.

[33:10] John, please tell Steph about these bikes because I’m in love with these bikes now.
He does, he loves them.
He loved it. They’re electric bikes. So you don’t even have to pedal, you can just sit there and hit that button.
No pedaling necessary. It’s great.
And they go like 25, 28 miles an hour. Steph, they fold up, they literally fold in half.
So we could put them in the van, we could put them in my vehicle, anything.
So we start going.
And we see these other suckers out on normal bikes, actually riding, and we’re just like, riding, sweating, working hard, we’re just cruising by. Yeah, who wants to have any physical activity to better your heart?
I felt guilty. I literally press a button, and it just goes.
It is unbelievable, it just goes. This bike is made for you, Kevin.
It was phenomenal. So literally, I got up to, I think, 26 miles an hour.
And I guess it depends on your weight, but it can get up probably to 30 miles an hour, depending on your weight so well wait so you had no problem gutting a little bicycle but the.

[34:13] Four-wheeler that’s when you were more timid well because in the four-wheeler i’m in this area and you can’t see what’s in front of you didn’t you say it was wide open at the end some of that was yeah that was fine okay and i got that up i got that up to 35 miles an hour oh that’s true but here we’re beside of a golf course we’re on the road i can see what’s in front of me and again suburbs. I’m following John. John is very confident on this bike. He would just immediately turn right. I’m like, oh dude, and I’ve got to like, I’ve got to go make a U-turn, come back, and then get on the sidewalk, and he’s wanting to show me something, and then he’ll turn left without telling me, and you don’t give any signs with your hands, and I’m like, okay, hold on, and I’m trying to, you know, make a turn, but these bikes are fantastic stuff. So two good-looking, Manly men on electric bikes.
Masculine. Perfect. Hey, same thing.
We get out in front of the house and he has his bike. He’s like, hey, do you just want to ride on the back with me?
So there’s two people. I’m just offering. It’s a two-person bike.

A visit to a lavish lakeside house with biting dogs

[35:11] We’ve got a little seat on the back.
You can just hold on. Let’s take our shirts off too, John.
We’ve got some goggles we can put on. That is definitely a Dumb and Dumber moment.
Dumb and Dumber part two. Yes. I’m like, if there’s a second bike, I would prefer to be on that.
Fine. There you go.

[35:21] Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Oh, there you go. So we get on those, all right?
And then we pack those in the truck.
And then, next activity, we are going to one of John’s colleagues, one of his friends’ house.
In Gainesville, John is treating me to the Tennessee, Florida football game.
So fun. And that is like one of the top games of the weekend.
It’s a night game at their stadium there called The Swamp in Gainesville.
So he has a friend who’s a surgeon there in the area. So the surgeon said, hey, come stop by my place before, and then we’ll go to tailgate.

[35:58] We pull in and it’s a multi-million dollar property, I would say, on a lake.
Okay, he’s got two docks, a boathouse, and then in the driveway, there’s another huge Ford F-250. No! You found your person! That’s right, that’s right.
Like, this is my tribe, right here. All over.

[36:18] And then in the driveway is like a BMW, and I think a Tesla and all that.
I’m like, okay, whoever is here is a lot more affluent than I am, all right?
So try to fit in, is what I’m thinking, right?
Turn on the charm, but don’t say too much as well. Yeah. So we go in the backyard and the backyard is wide open. And I realized he’s got two and a half acres. It’s very nice. And it’s on this, beautiful lake. And guess who comes out to meet john and I three dogs. Your favorite.
I don’t know what kind of dogs these are. Okay, so we go and I’m going to change the names of the but the owner of the house, John’s friend, we’ll call him Sam, comes up, says hello, introduces us, and he’s like, hey, by the way, don’t pet this one.
This one bites. And I’m like, hey, thank you, Sam. You are the first pet owner who has told me that their dog actually bites.
Thank you for telling me that. I’m not gonna pet him.
And he’s like, well, he just bit Matt a few minutes ago. And you look at Matt, who’s another friend, and he’s got bandages all over his leg.
What? Like bleeding. Fresh wounds. He had just gotten bit by this dog before we got there.
Like multiple bites on his leg. Yeah, he did. I’m like, oh no.
Okay, so of these three dogs though, two of them look like they’re twins.
One is Joey and the other is Jay.

[37:36] Jay’s the one don’t touch, okay? Joey apparently is the one who wants to cuddle with you.
Loves people, yeah.
All right, so don’t touch Jay, but you can touch Joey, but they look exactly like. Identical.
They look identical. So we go over to this dock and he’s got a boathouse there and he goes, come on in, let me grab you a drink.
We go in this boathouse and it’s like a full bar in this boathouse and he’s got all this fancy liquor and bottles of wine everywhere and Matt’s chugging this bottle of wine and I’m like, do you have pop?
I would love pop. I was excited for that. So John has a Diet Coke, I’ve got a Coke, I’m like, okay, this is good, this is good.
So I sit down, and guess who won’t leave me alone?
Jay. Joey. One of them. They won’t leave me alone.
So I will stand up to get their head away from my lap, okay?
And so I’ll keep standing up, and then they just wanted to play.
So they had like a ball in their mouth, so I’d take the ball and then just throw it in the yard, and then they would come back, and I’d be like, no, no, go over to him.
And then they would go over to John, John would take it, throw it.
And so after maybe an hour, the owner of the home, Sam’s like, hey, you guys wanna go wakeboarding?
He wanna go on the boat, he wanna go for a ride.
And he looks at me and he’s like, hey, you wanna go wakeboarding? I’m like, well.

[38:52] I don’t have my swim suit. He’s like, What size are you thirty four? I’m like yeah, oh yeah, I’ll go get you some trunks. I’m like, well, that would be awesome and I’m like well, just so you know, I’ve never done this before, but that’d be fun. He’s like, oh, never mind.

Unexpected Alligators and Wakeboarding Mishap

[39:06] He totally we’re not teaching today. He totally rips away the invitation. Oh, never mind, like I don’t want to take the time. I’m like, no, I guarantee I can figure it out pretty quick. I go, I snowboard. He’s like, no, I don’t. Let’s not do that today. So we get on the boat and I asked if there’s any alligators out here and he’s like yeah, I’m like, but Sam ten minutes ago, you asked me if I want to go wakeboarding, but you didn’t for me. There’s actually gators in the water.
You should have told me that before you asked me if I want to go wakeboarding. I would have said nope. Oh my gosh. I even think about that was not a full disclosure. He did not disclose, that. Okay, so Sam and Matt have been drinking who knows how long I don’t know it, but Sam he wasn’t drinking a lot. I at least I didn’t see it. Maybe a beer right while we’re there for hour like he didn’t have a lot of beverage. So he seems fine, we get back.

[39:56] And we go to dock and John here jumps out of the boat to get on the dock to help park it. Okay and then Sam goes to stand up, falls out of the boat, falls, out of the boat. I don’t know if he hit his head, his arm, how do you know he hit something on the dock? Yeah I think he hit his knee on the dock. So then he’s got part of his body on the dock and then one leg hanging on the boat.
Boat. He’s trying to stay out of the water. Uh huh. So I grab his other leg trying to save him. John grabs his other leg. We’re trying to park this boat.
Okay. So we get it to the dock. He stands up, gets on the dock and then collapses again, like falls again. I’m like, oh my gosh, what is going on? So we finally get in there and he had modus grass before we’d got there, hadn’t drank a whole lot and I think he was dehydrated. I think so too. Yeah, he was working in the morning in the yard. It was hot, very hot. It was a hot day. So I think he’s more embarrassed than anything.

[40:50] But this dude just fell out of the boat.
And then the other guy, Matt, has bite marks on his leg. He’s loaded too.
And he owns a defense law firm in the area.

[41:00] And he’s the one who got bit by a dog. That’s the worst person to have bit by a dog.
It’s a defense attorney in the area. So he owns a house across the lake. And so he showed us that.

[41:13] So then Matt ends up leaving. We stay. We want to make sure that Sam’s okay. So we go in the house and he’s taking his blood pressure, all of that. He turns the TV on. And so we sit down and same thing happens that these dogs won’t leave me alone, and so this one dog comes over and just like lays his head on my lap near my crotch. I don’t know which one it is, so I turn to John as Sam’s like taking his own blood pressure. I’m like John, which one is this is this J or Joe? It’s I don’t know. He looks the same to me. I can’t tell. Hey Sam, which one is this? He’s like oh that’s that’s Joey. You’re fine. He’ll cuddle with you all night.
Worry about it. And so again, I’m just nervous, like, because I just saw Mac have these bite marks all over him. And then we don’t know what’s going to happen with Sam. I was a little bit worried about him. I was too. Are you really? Yeah, yeah, he wasn’t looking good. He did not look good. His blood pressure was low. And he was kind of lightheaded wanted us to stay. Yeah, we stayed for a while. And but he I mean, he he wanted us to spend the night, all this stuff. He wasn’t sure I think he was in charge of the tailgate. Wasn’t One of the main people that was supposed to be there. Yeah, he had to be downtown.
Yeah, at the time. Later on that evening, yeah. So, we didn’t know if he was fine to drive, all of this, so finally, we go to leave, and.

[42:30] Basically John and I saved his life, is what I’m getting at.
Is that the end of the day? That’s right.
That’s really what happened. I think John and I really did save his life.
With Gatorade. Yes. Yes.

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Electric Bikes and a Dreamy Walk to the Stadium

[43:13] We get to Gainesville John again gets these electric bikes out We park a mile or so away from the stadium and we take these electric bikes and just zip right to the stadium stuff It’s perfect again. It’s a dream, It was amazing walk. It was fantastic. I saved so much energy from not having to walk all around Gainesville. In the 100% humidity, it was key. It was amazing.
So John locked these two bikes to a bike rack near the stadium and then we came back and it was fine. But we get to the stadium, beautiful night.

[43:46] I mean, there was a wind, we had good seats. It is one of the biggest games of the year. 90,000 people are at the stadium for this. Tennessee, who’s ranked, I think, 11th in the country playing Florida.
And people were so nice. Like, in the area we were at, I didn’t hear profanity, I didn’t hear cursing, I didn’t hear obnoxious drunk people.
None of that.
None of that at all. Yeah, it was a lot of energy in that stadium, but it was a great environment. Yes, it absolutely was.
Because when I go to Ohio State games, I would say probably 10% of Ohio State fans are rude and obnoxious, okay?
The problem is, at Ohio Stadium, there’s 100,000 people.
If there’s 10% annoying, that’s 10,000 people that are obnoxious and someone’s gonna be around you.
And it can ruin the experience. But here at Florida, I didn’t see any of that.
Everyone was very kind to even Tennessee volunteer fans.
The only wild thing that happened was at some point during the game, there was a gentleman, he looked like a drunk hillbilly, like right out of the mountain stuff.
He was in the row behind of us and he stepped down, he was trying to step down into our row, and totally wiped out, like trampled down a couple rows, like trip, fell, just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, into like the row in front of us.
And then he- Did you come to the rescue? We did, we rescued him, gatorade to him.
We saved his life as well. Pretty much.
And then he left, I thought he was done for the night, but then he came back.
Kept coming back. He kept coming back.

[45:12] He went in and out, in and out probably four times during the night, like, dude, can you just park it?
Uh-huh. Can you seriously just park it instead of going in and out?
He’s probably going to the bathroom.
Probably was. Probably like going up and down those stairs, That was risking his life.
He was. He was so tipsy.
Like, can you imagine sitting there and all of a sudden someone like rams right into your back and you’re their stop?
Yeah. So he literally just like trampled down like, oh my gosh, but fantastic.
So we got out of there.

John’s Distracted Driving and Near Misses

[45:35] I don’t know, 11 o’clock or something.
Before we move on to the next day.
I think we should talk about your driving, John. So we leave. John’s got this big F250. Totally.
He has no problems hitting a curb, running over a curb. That’s right. That’s why you lift it. You can drive over anything you want.
He drives fast. And I think he plays this game internally where he tries to get as close to the car in front of him without hitting the brakes. I think that’s what you do.

[46:04] So we leave the game. And there’s, of course, other football games on. He gets on his phone, in the Colorado, Colorado State game.
Yes. Great game.
It might end up being one of the best games of the year. All right.
Plugs it into his charger, sets that on the dashboard. Okay.
Then he complains that he needs to somehow hack the system where he can plug in his phone and it goes into his GPS system there. Like in his truck. Yes.
Like that’s even more distraction. John is hands down stuff, the most distracted driver I’ve ever seen in my life.
He’s texting, he’s performing surgery over the phone. He’s hitting curbs. So he’s watching college football games.
So we’re watching this college football game and there’s a big player something. John’s looking at the game and all of a sudden we hit this rumble strip and he turned and it’s a rumble strip and it’s a part where I don’t know if we’re going to bridge, but there’s there’s guardrails wherever you’re at.
And almost hits the guardrail with his truck, jerks it back on the road.

[47:05] I’m like, dude, can you pay attention a little closer, please?
Yeah, it was bad timing. There was a big play and a curve in the road.
She just went off road just a little bit. That’s what we got the big tires for.
See, you’ve been so safe in that car, Kevin.
Nothing could have hurt you. Oh my gosh, he almost wrecked his car.
Then, the next day, we’re driving somewhere, and the vehicles in front of him are going too slow.
Out in the country. So it is like a truck and a camper and then two cars behind that.
So John, of course, gets in the other lane, it’s a two lane road, gets in the other lane and just floors it.
But it takes a while to get past all of these vehicles and a camper, right?
That’s a lot of space.
Well, there’s a car coming. It’s looking like we’re playing chicken with this other car.
I actually got nervous.
I’m like, dude, like we’re getting close here. Like, let’s go, John, let’s go.
And then finally he zips over and then the car goes by and then John’s like that was kind of close.

John’s Crazy Car Collection and Risk-Taking

[48:02] Was it just me or that was a little close? That was a little close. So then John informs me just out of the blue. I didn’t ask hey, my personal records actually fifteen cars.
Am I making this up? Oh you’re right, you’re right, he has passed on the country, fifteen cars at one time, like he was proud to tell me that my personal records 15 cars and who’s counting you I was counting to go by Florida’s a long flat state some long roads how much ground do you have to to make up the past 15 cars.
The risk this man takes, off the charts.
So, Sunday night comes, and John’s like, do you want to go out again, hog hunting?
I’m like, heck yes I do. If you’re offering, I would love to.
But, I’m concerned about him, right?
You’ve gotta be at work at 7 a.m. the next morning, and your feeder goes off at 11 o’clock or something.
So I didn’t want John to be out super late, or get the sleepy needs, but you said you were fine.
You had no issues. to that, yeah. Yes, with all the energy of this guy. So wait, did you take a shower?

Preparing for the Hunt

[49:20] So he washed, he washed the clothes again, scentless soap, gave me the body wash, went through all of that again, and put all that on. So again, we go out probably 1030, I would say, this time to get there. And so we’re on our way there. And I’m just like, John, here we go, go brother. Like I’m giving a pep talk. Like we got one shot. We have been trained. We have been, we’ve been trained for such a moment as this, John, that we are going to take out these hogs. This is the night. This is how the trip ends. This is it. Yes. And I’m like giving this pep talk really to myself. Yeah. Right inside. Like, Hey, don’t be scared.
So like, here we go, here we go. So I’ve got the experience now. I know what we’re doing.
I know how to get in the tree stand, all of that. Here we go. So, so we get up there and, we’re there in plenty of time. And we’re sitting there waiting, waiting, looking. We see armadillos, we see raccoons, we see everything but a hog. Everything but hogs is right. Really? Yeah, I think we got outsmarted. So we’re sitting there, sitting there, sitting there. We sat there for an hour? It was about an hour. About an hour? Oh no. Nothing showed up. No! Nothing.
0 for 2. No! You didn’t get anything! No, we didn’t get anything.
I so wanted to take a picture with me and a hog and show you.

[50:46] We didn’t get anything. And then John’s like, this is one of the few times I’ve never seen a hog or I’ve never shot a hog. Like every time I come out here, I seem to get one.
I’m so sorry.
So do you eat the meat then? Yeah. We have some nachos. Parnitos, nachos. It was fantastic.
Really? Oh, Steph, it was so good. So you just take it to like a regular butcher?
Like do they have like hauls? He’s a surgeon. We do it. We cut it apart, throw it on ice.
That’s true. Throw it in the crock pot. Yes, he does it himself. He loves it.
Like, oh yeah, I just scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, whatever.
I was actually looking forward to seeing him his scalpel skills. Do it?
Yes. I mean, that’s right up his alley. So yeah, he does it himself.
Does someone have to teach you or you’re like, I can figure this out?
Yeah, I had a guy show me. Uh-huh. And there’s plenty of YouTube videos too, but it’s not that hard. Isn’t it?
No. Oh, dang it. So, 0 for 2. I thought for sure you were like beefing it up, to let me know that you got one. I know, you were thinking I was gonna tell you we got a lot, didn’t you? Oh, I thought for sure you had one.
Oh, I’m sorry. Just means you’ll have to come down again. Yes, next trip.

Planning for the Next Trip

[51:44] Hey. Gotta let them come down.
Make sure there’s a bike for them. That’s right. I’ll have the bike ready for you.
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